Castles and Catapults.

We need you
There are parts of the sky I do not see
When I look up
And I’m dying to know
When a rain will come.

Every young eye is looking for the shutter
Of a vibrating heart that will
Not stop for the edge of the world.

And I see it
I see the lies we paint with love
That crumble like the falling of a rock
From a greater host.

But I need it all
The water, the fire, the earth
I need it all running through my thoughts
My dreams.
And oh the love.

The master of such beauty sees
A new one in me.

Thoughts…
I think forcing yourself to be kind, be loving, and be understanding is healthy. Through acting out in love and kindness and understanding, you will find yourself having actually done so sincerely.

C.S. Lewis says something similar:
“Do not waste time bothering whether you “love” your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone you will presently come to love him.”

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

There are places in my dreams
I revisit when I am awake
And the warm feeling of blood that I wake up
And feel no more.

I dreamt bolt from a cross bow,
Nearly severed my head
And another in my stomach.
I felt distinct warm liquid.

But in anger I prayed.

“God, give me strength to destroy my enemy”
And I did.

His throat from my hand
His body from my walls
Fell to death.
And there I pierced him
With his own bolts
And his own weapon…

What does it mean?

A man who is in constant search for the open ends of the universe can not come to a stop with God. Meaning, he can not finalize the belief that there is no God, when he is only a man, leaving the mystery forever there. And if he were to find himself believing in the existence of God, he could stop and declare, “I have found THE God!” But as many who have claimed to, they do not stop there- for finding God opens a new realm of mysteries and questions.

You can not END the search. You can only choose where you decides to STOP the search.

What can we do
With all we are given
When all we’ve been given
We have thrown away as garbage
All our young ones
Have unmeasured the value
Of truth
And thrown it out for happiness
When we will all die
And will all find that out happiness was temporary
And we were standing so close
To beauty that does not exist on earth
But we settled for the ashes…

We are not gods
We will not reach greatness
We look out for ourselves when
No one is looking out for
You.

If you see what I see
We are God’s
Built up and cradled
Waiting for an answer to the language
We have subliminally forgotten.

I wanna learn to dance in a way
That the proudest hearts will break
And we can learn
We were made for a Father’s love.

1. Lift other’s up before I lift myself up.
2. Weigh all thoughts and ideas with equal attention.
3. When disputing truth, remove myself from the equation. Make it about truth, not feelings.
4. Stop trying to impress everyone.
5. Be helpful and listen.
6. Not be afraid to tell people how I really feel.
7. Speak up against things that bother me.
8. Be a man in his glory. Take hits when necessary, but know when to restrain the hits.
9. Talk less about people’s faults and encourage their good qualities.
10. Be unashamed to talk about Jesus.
11. Be willing to surrender at all times.

By Joe Cowan (a marine)

1. You can not surround someone with guns. It’s counter productive.
2. Grenades do not produce flames when exploding.
3. Wood and most types of metal are not good cover to hide behind.
4. Shooting into petroleum and gas tanks usually will not cause them explode. The only possible exception is a magnesium tip (tracer) that gets lodged in the container.
5. Bullets usually travel through people (depending on round and bullet- but in most cases), so shooting someone in the back in hopes of keeping them from stabbing your friend is a very unwise idea.
6. Shooting from the hip is not proper military training. When you clear a building, their are vary specific movements and angles you apply and you can look over the scope, but usually still use a CQ (close quarter) type sight (reflex, iron sights, etc). Most movies always get this part wrong. Just don’t pretend to be a seal and act like a recruit.

Just so you know
I can’t think of anything rightly
But you.

Today I thought of fleeing
Back to when the stars were all I wanted to see
And the ever expanding gap
Between heaven and earth
Was my sanctuary.

Today I thought of all my honest desires.
Where I really want to be
And how I’m broken on how it is…

I see so many tin men
With oil as sweet as honey
Given hearts to feel the righteous air.
And I have joints that need grease
I have an axe that the trees mock me for.
My own body thinks ill of my spirit.
And my own spine is curving
Like the ends of dead leaves.

I am craving this thing to stay
I am removed from my seat of certainty
All states and stations from here is up.

I want to be true.
And I am angry
I am angry that I don’t have a clue.
And I am angry because I have a hard time
Believing you.

I am troubled because
I doubt your opinions
And think we spend too much time
Not listening.

Too much time thinking we know better.
Too much time believing in God
Like he sits only on the inside
Of pages.

I’m angry because I want you to love
Like a way I don’t think you ever will
I’m angry because I wanna love enough
For it to just work out fine.

I’m angry because I’m tired of wearing strings.
I’m almost tired of wearing rings…
Tired of being the bad guy when I feel like
I’m the bad guy either way.
I’m angry because if I listen to you
I don’t feel right.
If I listen to good council
I am too severe…

I see things like a clean cut work.
This or that.
This is folly
That is right.

Well I am angry.
Because I thought we had a deal going.
And now I’m doubting it
All
Over
Again…

I’m not saying i’m right.
I’m just so damn angry.

I’d like to break something tonight.
I’ve got sheets and sheets of metal to make.
To coat myself again.
But I don’t like going back to those dirt roads
With nothing more but a mountain on my shoulders.

I wish we could be disciplined
To stick to what has worked before.
I don’t want to create new pathways
To undiscovered ends
When all we have is too fragile to stray
Lest we trip on our way
To make something different
And unprescribed.

So how I see this work
Is my broad shoulders in the lead
And your thin waist beside me.
Because it was writ
That my kind were meant to know
The place to go and rest.

I fear dearly for this bridge.
I see it falling already.
And if you are hesitant to come
Then Jump in or jump out
But make it a sure move.

I can’t keep distracting my heart and mind
To think of fixing something
That is too broken.
It has GOT to be made new.
All the way and completely
New.