Today I thought of fleeing
Back to when the stars were all I wanted to see
And the ever expanding gap
Between heaven and earth
Was my sanctuary.
Today I thought of all my honest desires.
Where I really want to be
And how I’m broken on how it is…
I see so many tin men
With oil as sweet as honey
Given hearts to feel the righteous air.
And I have joints that need grease
I have an axe that the trees mock me for.
My own body thinks ill of my spirit.
And my own spine is curving
Like the ends of dead leaves.
I am craving this thing to stay
I am removed from my seat of certainty
All states and stations from here is up.
I want to be true.
And I am angry
I am angry that I don’t have a clue.
And I am angry because I have a hard time
I am troubled because
I doubt your opinions
And think we spend too much time
Too much time thinking we know better.
Too much time believing in God
Like he sits only on the inside
I’m angry because I want you to love
Like a way I don’t think you ever will
I’m angry because I wanna love enough
For it to just work out fine.
I’m angry because I’m tired of wearing strings.
I’m almost tired of wearing rings…
Tired of being the bad guy when I feel like
I’m the bad guy either way.
I’m angry because if I listen to you
I don’t feel right.
If I listen to good council
I am too severe…
I see things like a clean cut work.
This or that.
This is folly
That is right.
Well I am angry.
Because I thought we had a deal going.
And now I’m doubting it
I’m not saying i’m right.
I’m just so damn angry.